Episode 4: Setting a Trend

Eight weeks pregnant.

Here I was, once again on the sono table, hoping for good news with racing heart and sweaty palms. This last week of bed rest had definitely been more restful as far as activity level, but the bleeding and cramping persisted to the point of worry for my still-learning to trust mind.

The sono tech was perfectly sweet and caring. The only way we could sense something might be wrong was the amount of time she spent searching around my fairly tiny uterus. Who knew what she was looking for. All I clung to was Jeremy's equally sweaty hand and the tiniest of blipping dots on the screen: baby's heartbeat, still going strong.

After the sono, we sat down with my beloved doctor.

"Things are not looking great, Folks."

My heart sunk...I mean plummeted to the depths.

What can she mean? The heartbeat was there! I saw it!

This is when a trend started. She spoke the words I heard over and over again for the next 20 weeks:

"If you make it that far..."

"You will be on bed rest for a long time, if you make it that far."

In answer to my questions about up-coming appointments or plan of action, she would preface with, "If you make it that far..."

Not that she was being cruel, just realistic. The clot had doubled in size from the time of my last appointment. It was now about triple the size of the tiny baby. Would it overtake the fetus? Would my body try to expel the entire contents of my uterus? It seemed likely. Devastation.

So the good news I was hoping for was not forth-coming, but at least the baby was still alive and I had the sono pictures and video to prove it.

What am I to be learning, Lord God?

I would have the next two (very long) weeks to pray and listen to God's heart.