Episode 10 (15 weeks): Gender Identification

A rather amusing story to lighten the mood:
Jeremy and I were determined not to find out the gender of our problematic bundle of joy. How amazing the surprise will be! How fun to keep everyone, including ourselves, guessing! Our family had already had a boy, girls, twins, but no one had kept the gender a surprise. We could be a first "something"!

However, as it became apparent that we would be peeking into our little one's world once or twice a week for (hopefully) a very long time, it seemed the possibility of keeping it a surprise was a bit naive. Eventually, it would become pretty clear to us what color layette we should be dreaming about.

So, when asked at our 15 week sonogram if we would like to know the sex of the baby, we both hesitated. Maybe we should just give in now and get a bit of great news for once? As the sono tech flashed over my belly while we debated, I could clearly see "that area." (This is where the rather amusing part of the story begins.)

"Oh! I exclaimed. "I already saw the baby's bottom! I already know what it is, so you might as well know too, Jeremy."

After ensuring that we both wanted to know the gender, the tech asked what I thought the baby was.

With attitude and all, I replied definitively, "It's a GIRL! I know it's a girl!" (I had seen my fair share of sonos, people. I thought I knew what I was talking about!)

The tech just rolled her eyes, and patiently typed, "BOY," on the screen.

After I got over feeling like an absolute fool I gazed into Jeremy's watery eyes and just let it all soak in.

A Boy? A boy. A son. Can you even believe it?! A SON! We have a son. All we have been through and so much unknown yet to come is all because of our fearfully and wonderfully made, absolutely perfect Son. Thank You, God. A son...

So now came the most fun thing since telling our family I was pregnant. Telling our family that it's a BOY!

After a quick phone call to my sister and BFF DeAnn (coincidentally pregnant with twin boys!), we headed out the waiting room where my sister-in-law, Erica, just happened to be waiting to see my wonderful ob herself. As I waited in line to check out, Jeremy casually sauntered over (trying to mask all of his manly pride!) and held out the revealing sono picture. Erica immediately started crying, so thrilled for us that we had a son. Being the mother of a tiny boy herself, she knew the joys he would bring.

We told my parents next, since my Dad had driven me to my appointment. Both of my parents were a little dumbfounded and speechless at first. They had assumed the baby would be a girl, since they had produced two girls. Not sure what to do with a tiny, rambunctious Boy, they began collecting bits of blue and bouncy balls almost immediately. Their excitement only mounted as they anticipated days full of creek wading, Lego building and ball rolling. Our tiny Boy already occupied such a large chunk of their hearts!

That evening, after everyone was home from work, we invited Jeremy's parents over to watch the sono video with us. We provided no information, just let the video unfold. As we all cozied up on my bed where I was tucked in and keeping still (the bleeding was super bad since I had been up and around for the appointment), we could hardly contain our excitement. Finally, we got to the part of the video when the tech typed "Boy." There was a collective gasp and then claps and cheers all around. They were thrilled to be adding a second grandson to the family.

So here is our little guy's profile at 15 weeks gestation. Beautiful!

In other health news, nothing much had changed. Still bleeding; still carrying around an enormous blood clot; still just praying and waiting. But now, at least I know exactly who I am praying for. Tiny Boy Halpin. And oh how I love him!

Episode 9 (15 wks): Jehova Jireh, the LORD Will Provide

We serve an awesome God, a good God, a God who cares about the most minute details, details that only He could know would be of such importance to me. Our God is good and He shows me His love for me in such unique ways. It would be impossible to list all the ways He provided for Jeremy and me during this trial, but I will list just a few of the ways that touched my heart the most. In all of them, He used the active, thriving Body of Christ to minister to my hurting heart.

At the time, J and I were members of a wonderful church called Watermark. Once the good folks at Watermark got wind of our situation, especially the fact that this could go on for weeks or months, they cheerfully pitched right in to help. Between Watermark and our families, we had meals delivered to our front door three times a week for the next 10 weeks! Our food needs were completely provided for! And I could rest at ease that Jeremy had been relieved of at least one responsibility.

Remember that lovely house we closed on way back in Episode 2? Well the time was drawing near that we were to be moving in. The nesting urge was strong as there was packing and cleaning to be tended to and a new home to dream about decorating and settling in to. Unfortunately, my body was just not cooperating. Any time I as much as rolled over to change position, the blood would gush again. Actually, the only position in which the flow would stop was flat on my back. But my sweet Lord provided for us perfectly once again. My Dad was between jobs at this point in his career. He and my Mom spent many afternoons packing, packing, packing away, following my directions to a tee so that I would feel some sort of control over this completely out of control situation.

My most frivolous provision came to be because of the sensitive heart of my sister-in-law, Julianne. What newly pregnant Mom-to-be doesn't dream of the day when she can legitimately shop for maternity clothes, sporting her newly popped baby belly? Well now that the ulcer was under control and my weight was no longer dropping, I was starting to show a tiny bit and my "lounge wear" was beginning to feel a bit snug. I sent my sweet Husband to Target with specific instructions as what to hunt for: stylish yet comfortable, roomy yet not tent-like, cute but not cutesy clothing to wear to the doctor and while ticking away the hours in bed. Poor, poor Jeremy. I have never seen him so befuddled! (And I don't blame him! Quite a tall order for a guy dealing with a hormonal wife!) After many phone calls home and quite awhile at Target, he came home with one tiny bag: a white T shirt and a pair of pajama pants. Super sweet and comfortable no less, but this just wasn't going to cut it for the next 5 months!

The very next day, amazing Julianne showed up at my apartment door. She had bought every single maternity item Target carried and brought it to my bedroom. This was better than shopping on-line! I could touch the clothes, model them, put together outfits, keep the stuff as long as I wanted, and then Ju would return the castoffs for me. Only Julianne would realize how important it was to me to be able to select a few cute things to wear on my very few and far between outings. My heart was so encouraged and lifted up by her sensitivity to my desires.

God even went so far as to provide me with the most amazing bed rest Buddy! My wonderful friend Jenn and I got pregnant only a couple of months apart. I was so excited to be going through this miraculous process with one of my best friends, especially since we shared our most amazing doctor. But then she started to have problems, almost from the get go. She was eventually put on bed rest a few weeks after me. Although I was (of course!) terribly saddened that she was having issues with her precious baby, it was invaluable to have a friend always just a phone call away, laying in her bed knowing exactly what I was going through. We were able to encourage each other's hearts, be a sounding board for each other, understand each other's fears and hopes like no one else. What a sweet, sweet friend God gave me when He introduced me to Jenn. We have only grown closer since those scary times. (Her Big Boy is now almost four, by the way! Gorgeous and thriving!)

Just putting into writing a very few of the awesome ways God provided for screwed up human me brings tears to my eyes and joy to my soul. That the God of the universe would even care if I had a friend to lean on or clothes to choose from, or even food that Jeremy didn't have to cook and boxes filled without me lifting a finger blows my mind! He loves me and cares about the tiniest of details. Of course this same God is loving my tiny baby completely and does not take His eyes off of him (or me!) for even a second. I can trust Him. I will trust Him. He demonstrated His immense love for me with such compassion and tenderness. I will lay here and let Him love me, let Him teach me about His heart. I will not come away from this experience unchanged. Mold my heart to look like Yours, God. Change me...and I trust you with our baby.

Episode 8 (14 wks): Jehova Adonai, The LORD Our Sovereign

The next hours and days were so very long, as I continued to bleed heavily at home. There was so much information to dwell on as I did nothing but lay flat on my back, and in the constant forefront of my mind was the fact that my doctor was not as hopeful as she had once been...and she was not incredibly hopeful to begin with! She knew it would be a miracle if our baby survived. There were too many things going wrong. She was not hopeless, just not as hopeful. I know she wanted my heart to be prepared.

So while I was laying there, alternating between fretting and trusting, sleeping and praying, the Lord gave me two things to comfort me: a passage of Scripture and a song. How kind the Lord is to anxious little girls. He knew just how much I needed reassurance, not that everything was going to be okay, but of His character, His proven character that is unchanging.

I Samuel 1:26-28

(Hannah, who was barren, prayed to the Lord for a son. He answered her prayer, and now that Samuel was weaned, Hannah brought him to the temple to live with Eli the priest, just as she promised God she would.)

"'As surely as you live, my lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the LORD. I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD.' And he worshipped the LORD there."

This baby is God's baby, first and foremost. No matter what the outcome, he is God's baby, the child I prayed for, and he will be given over to the Lord for his whole life.

The song is an oldie but a goodie sung by Babbie Mason. It was one of our family faves as I was growing up. The lyrics are so wonderful and hopeful and true:

Trust His Heart
"All things work for our good

though sometimes we can’t see how they could.

Struggles that break our hearts in two

sometimes blind us to the truth.

Our Father knows what’s best for us;

His ways are not our own.

So, when your pathway grows dim,

and you just can’t see Him,

Remember He’s still on the throne.

God is too wise to be mistaken.

God is too good to be unkind.

So when you don’t understand,

when you don’t see His plan,

When you can’t trace His hand,

trust His heart.

He sees the Master plan.

He holds the future in His hands.

So don’t live as those who have no hope.

All our hope is found in Him.

We walk in present knowledge,

but He sees the first and the last.

And like a tapestry, He’s weaving you and me

to someday be just like Him.

God is too wise to be mistaken.

God is too good to be unkind.

So when you don’t understand,

when you don’t see His plan,

When you can’t trace His hand,

trust His heart."

I can trust my God's heart with confidence! I know His heart and it is only good. My God is sovereign. In Him alone is my hope.