What a stinky day to have cause to recognize. Diabetes and I are not friends. In fact, I H.A.T.E. Type I diabetes with my whole heart and soul. I have good reason. Diabetes runs our lives. I struggle minute to minute to be an adequate pancreas for Nosy...and mostly I fail big time. The pressure and guilt I feel on a daily basis are enormous and suffocating. I cry a lot and want to rip my hair out or scream at the tops of my lungs in frustration. Jeremy and I try and try and pray and think and worry and make changes to attempt to keep Noah's small body in balance so that he can feel good and play and have energy and, well, live. His sugars have been so unstable recently. They swing from over 600 to the 30's in a given day sometimes, usually for no reason that Jeremy and I can pinpoint. We are not stupid people and we follow all the rules and check and double and triple check all the appropriate calculations, but still we fail. And Noah ends up hyper or lethargic or with a tummy ache and diarrhea or almost at the passing out point or with blood as thick as molasses that has no way to carry oxygen to all his important parts. All because we can't control this awful disease. It has gotten to the point that we check Noah every 1.5-2 hours all night long. And thanks to my recent awareness of Dead in Bed Syndrome, every. single. time I enter his bedroom, I brace myself, prepare myself for the absolute worst. I hold my breath and pray, pray, pray in my heart of hearts until I see him take a deep, reassuring breath. He's okay. At least until the next check, he's okay. He's alive. And God forbid he over-sleep in the morning. I can be found in almost an all-out panic. Recent studies show that 1 in 20 Type I Diabetics die of low blood sugar. When I heard that, I was physically sick for a week. 1 in 20?! How can that possibly be? So heap on some extra stress and pressure and bottles full of tears for my boy and all those other D-mamas and daddies that struggle like we do. All I can do is TRUST the Lord my God with Nosy's life. He has been so faithful. He gives and takes away. And I am so thankful. But still I brace myself.
This ad ran in the New York Times and The Washington Post a couple of weeks ago to help raise awareness for Type I Diabetes. There is encouraging research being done on an artificial pancreas. If you'd consider signing a petition to help speed things up in the testing through the FDA, here is a link. We would all appreciate it so very much.
Sporting our blue, the color of diabetes, on World Diabetes Day.
Praying for a cure.
6 comments:
Rachel, I am so sorry. I pray for a cure for Noah. I hate this for you and for Jeremy and for Noah. I have no idea how you do this day in and day out. You are an incredible mother. You are loved and our God is bigger than diabetes.
Rachel, I read this on a day that my life was consumed with a deep HATE for asthma. I had already shed lots of tears over my precious little boy today...then I read your post. Thanks for putting things into perspective. At least we only struggle for 5 or so months out of the year. Your daily struggle was a great reminder of how blessed we are. You and your family will be in my prayers.
Rachel & Jeremy,
Our family has had to deal with diabetes for a long time now with my dad, grandparents. But nothing would equate to want you guys are dealing with for the little one. My wishes to Noah for a speedy recovery. I really hope with the advancement in medicine & technology we may be close to finding a permanent solution to cure diabetes for good.
Oh Rachel, my heart just rips in two for the struggle y'all face on a daily basis. God only allowed this trial in your lives because He knew you were strong enough to carry the burden with His help.
Such a tough and scary disease, and praying along with you for a cure and miraculous healing for your sweet Noah!
May the Lord richly bless your precious family and make His name known through all 5 of you!
Praying for new strength to face each day, and multiplied rest in your few hours of sleep.
Rachel, you don't know me. I followed the link from Erica's blog. I went to middle school and high school with Erica, Joel, and Jeremy.
I went and signed the petition as soon as I finished reading your post. No child...no parent...should have to struggle with this or live in constant fear.
My thoughts and prayers are with your family.
Rachel - It is so hard for me to put into words how sad I am for your family. You carry this burden with such dignity and grace. We are praying for you and Noah. All of our love, The Sanders
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